Listing Restlessly: Graphical Ages of Gaming
Welcome to Listing Restlessly, a new and irregular feature where we look at geek concepts and try to put them into categories that make some amount of sense. There's so much vagueness in gaming ("role-playing games," "casual games," "retro games,") that we need some way to separate these ideas. Let's start with the ages of gaming, an amorphous yet steadfast concept that everyone knows but few can define beyond "today's consoles" and "yesterday's consoles."
We've used "current-gen" versus "next-gen" versus "last-gen." Well, generations change. We've used "8-bit" versus "16-bit" versus "32-bit" versus "64-bit." Well, the Atari 2600 was 8-bit, and the Atari Jaguar called itself 64-bit when it wasn't, and the 64-bit Nintendo 64 lost the battle against the same-generation 32-bit Sony PlayStation. Instead of looking at bits and vague generations, let's look at what really defined the generations: the graphics. Specifically, what they looked like, and not what drives them. Here are the new ages of gaming. Four clearly defined ages and one semi-clearly defined half-age that run from the beginning of home video game systems to today.
Nintendo 3DS Ambassador GBA Games Now Available
If you spent $250 on your Nintendo 3DS
The games aren't available directly through the Nintendo eStore, though. If you want to get them, you need to go into the eStore, then into the Menu, then into Other Settings, then into Redownload Games. The games will be added to the list of games you already downloaded to the 3DS, and if you have a big library, you might have to scroll down some.
Instead of downloading each game individually, you can save time by selecting "Download Later," which lets you queue up the games to download over SpotPass while you're doing other things. You still need to select each game, but it's a bit faster and much more convenient.
The games are:
- Mario Kart: Super Circuit
- F-Zero
- Yoshi's Island: Super Mario Advance 3
- Fire Emblem
- WarioWare: Mega Microgames
- Metroid Fusion
- Kirby and the Amazing Mirror
- Mario vs. Donkey Kong
- The Legend of Zelda: Minish Cap
- Wario Land 4
It's a pretty impressive list, and better for more than nostalgia, like the mostly-Black Box early NES games released for the ambassador program.
Mario Kart 7: New Game, Same Powerslide
Mario Kart is now on the 3DS, adding to the growing pile of games that actually justify buying the system. Mario Kart 7
That said, let's at least try to review this thing.
Many Marios Mob Manhattan: Super Mario 3D Land Comes to Times Square
Okay, a picture of Mario kissing Peach in Times Square would have been much better, but how can I resist a squad of Marios heroically raising a flag?
Saturday, Nintendo held a huge event at Times Square for Super Mario 3D Land. They built an entire Mario course on Military Island, with trampolines, blocks, pipes, and giant piranha plants (statues). You already know that Nintendo was giving away some awesome and ridiculous tanuki tails and ears, but the swag was only part of it. Get a look at the course, and the trained Mario free runners who ran through it, below.
Super Mario 3D Land Will Shame You
I wish I was kidding, but Super Mario 3D Land has actively taken pity on me. It'll take pity on you, too, and shame you in the most unspeakable way. It's more of Nintendo's casual-friendly approach of "making the game stupidly easy in the stupidest way," taken to a horrible extreme.
If you die enough times on a level (between 6 and 8), the game creates a Pity Block. It's a flashing block that makes a glowing raccoon leaf. If you pick up that leaf, you become Raccoon Mario... with unlimited invincibility. Yes, this game doesn't simply hold your hand or show you how to win. It turns on god mode for you.
Does it disable star coins, or mark levels you beat it with a scarlet S, for You Suck As A Gamer? No. You don't get penalized at all. There is no record of your failure. There is no punishment. There is no way to even keep track which levels you had to lose through. There is just your crippling shame and the gnawing uncertainty of the entire game and your ability as a gamer.
I'm fine with giving casual players a way to see all the game (or most of the game) without much effort. It's fine to give them an autopilot and let them beat the game. But to get everything in the game, including those star coins that basically show you how good you are at playing, is just wrong. Take out the coins. Put a mark on the level. Put something there to show when you take the easy way out. The shame is so much worse when only you're aware of it.
Tetris Axis: Like Tetris DS, But Less Necessary
Did you know there's a new Tetris game out for the 3DS? Tetris Axis is the newest Tetris game available, and it brings 3D graphics to the block-dropping series. I know, when you think of 3D and Tetris, you think of those horrible 3D Tetris games that were hard to control on the PC. Well, don't worry. The 3D isn't a game-crippling change of perspective that shows why Tetris only works on a two-dimensional plane, it's only an incredible unnecessary effect that shows why Tetris only works on a two-dimensional plane.
Tetris Axis is a decent compilation of Tetris game types developed by Hudson Soft and published by Nintendo, but compared to the stellar (and actually Nintendo-themed) Tetris DS, it falls flat. The two best things I can say about Tetris Axis is that it has regular Tetris and that's always fun, and it's only $30.
Kirby Mass Attack: Massively Multi-Kirby
Kirby's the little guy among Nintendo's main, first-party characters (not counting Pit "Chuck Cunningham" Icarus). He's not as beloved as the plumber, the bounty hunter, or the elf, or even the furry space fighter pilot. Still, he's managed to consistently be in solid games ever since his first appearance. After years of sucking up enemies and spitting them back out, Kirby got a bit of a change in Kirby's Epic Yarn
Kirby Mass Attack
BIT.TRIP SAGA: Beautiful And Fun, But Commander Video Still Freaks Me Out
I admit it, I'm new to the whole BIT.TRIP thing. I didn't pay much attention to the games when they first came out because I thought they were just artsy indie games with blocky graphics and chiptunes music and sound effects. That and Commander Video freaks me out. He's faceless and disproportionate, like an Atari Slender Man. Still, after the bitterness of Star Fox 64 3D and the desire to keep my 3DS valid, I picked up BIT.TRIP SAGA
Well, jackpot. BIT.TRIP SAGA doesn't have any extra content like BIT.TRIP Complete on the Wii, but all six BIT.TRIP games together alone justify the $40 price tag of a retail 3DS game.
Star Fox 64 3D: Why Is 64 Still In The Name?
After over a decade, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 
Star Fox 64 is still a fun game, but in terms of sheer content for a $40 game cartridge, it falls short. It was groundbreaking in the mid-90's, but unlike Ocarina of Time, which still got its own master quest port to add to the value, it doesn't justify itself. It's a shame to see Nintendo succumb to the temptation to make another relatively lazy port of an old game. The graphics are slightly better, but that's all it has.
Theatrhythm Final Fantasy is a Giant Interactive Cutscene
I'll admit I had completely missed any mention of this new Final Fantasy title before andriasang posted this trailer, and I'm a little bummed it's not a new RPG for the 3DS. Now the invented word "theatrhythm" makes a bit more sense. The game is a rhythm/music game with scrolling dots similar to Guitar Hero/Rock Band, except it throws a track list culled from Final Fantasy's long, long history at you.
I gotta tell ya, I'm not all that excited about a stylus-tapping game set to the ballroom scene from Final Fantasy VIII and a bunch of other cinematic and gameplay video from the series. I will concede one point, though: I got a little stoked when the boss fight music from Final Fantasy VI kicked in, and the rhythm tapping accompanied a graphically revamped battle with Ultros. That was a track that just always sounded like Go Time to me.
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