I wasn’t going to turn this into a whole big thing, but wow. What a difference a day makes. Huge scandal involving blacklisting threats from 2K Games/Gearbox’s PR company, the Redner Group, all coming from the torrent of negative reviews about Duke Nukem Forever. And why? We’ve waited 15 years, and to say the end result is underwhelming is being nice. Duke Nukem Forever is a game that would have felt like a mediocre shooter from any major publisher in 2006, and today feels like a piece of bargain bin shovelware.

Just got it in the mail this morning. Is anyone else still a little amazed? Duke Nukem Forever officially comes out on Tuesday.

Update; I still can’t confirm whether the game is real or not, because the installer is inexplicably tied to Steam. And Steam isn’t allowing installations until the game is actually released on Tuesday.

First, let’s pretend I made all the applicable explosion-as-sexual-act jokes required for this post*. Okay, now that that’s over with, Twisted Pixel has started an “Early Access Program” for Ms. Splosion Man. Well, they say “Early Access Program,” I say open, limited-number beta. Either way, you can get your sploding on with the pink pyro elemental as early as June 6. Just fill out the Early Access Application Survey at Microsoft’s developer site and wait for your name to be called. Check it out, if you want to try the game ahead of time.

Now, is it wrong that I kinda want to bang Ms. Splosion Man?

*Except for the one in the above line. Blam!

Rockstar Games has really developed a sense of style and drama that’s pulled it away from its identity of “the GTA company.” First Red Dead Redemption and now L.A. Noire have given the company a sense of breadth for storytelling beyond urban crime from the 1980s onward and radio stations with dick jokes. L.A. Noire hit stores this week, and I’ve spent a few hours with the game and am ready to give it a tentative verdict. However, I must note that I haven’t played through the game completely, so consider this a quick review: tentative verdict that I’ll update if further gameplay warrants it.

To compensate for me not having completely played through the game, I’ve written this quick review in iambic pentameter. Enjoy.

Let’s talk about video games as a medium. It’s the most interactive way of conveying audio and visual information. Paintings, photos, television, radio, books, they all can tell a story and create a world, but they’re still passive media. Video games are the most active form of art because the person who enjoys it is actively in control. He manipulates how he proceeds through the art, controlling the experience to whatever extent the artist allows.

The interaction between gamer and game makes video games capable of performing narrative feats unheard of in other media. Whether it’s a variety of experiences based on the choices you take to the very act of taking away that choice as a key time, gaming can hit you hard in the art-balls. Here are the 7 best examples of games doing, as a narrative medium, what other art forms can’t. Spoilers ahead.

You haven’t played Portal 2? You need to play Portal 2. The full review of the single player campaign comes later this week, but here’s a preview: without the co-op mode, purely based on the gameplay, writing, voice acting, and graphics of the single player mode, Portal 2 is excellent. Stephen Merchant and JK Simmons steal the show as Wheatley and Cave Johnson, the game is easily twice as long as the first Portal, and it’s even funnier and darker. For that experience alone, the game is worth the $50 it goes for on PC and $60 it goes for on PS3 and Xbox 360.

Well, went for $50/60. Amazon just dropped the price like a rock. If you want Portal 2 on PC, you can grab it for $30. If you want Portal 2 on Xbox 360 or PS3, you can grab it for $35.

It turns out that Mortal Kombat is pretty awesome. It’s also really, really bloody, like all good Mortal Kombat games should be. The newest game in the series has some of the most over-the-top, brutal, violent fatalities yet, and while there are plenty of limb-ripping, chest-punching, head-launching fatalities, there are several that are even more wrecked and horrific.

Here are the top 10 fatalities in the new Mortal Kombat. YouTube user PROPHESiZ3 put together all of the game’s fatalities into individual YouTube videos, the best of which are embedded below. Plus, as a bonus, we’ve included the button combinations of these fatalities. Several of them are the characters’ secondary fatalities, which you ordinarily have to earn by spending money in the Krypt. MZielinski’s Gamefaqs guide takes care of that.

The Mortal Kombat franchise has had almost as bad a run this past decade as Sonic the Hedgehog. The games got increasingly convoluded and complicated, to the point that by Mortal Kombat: Armageddon, the world was ending and nobody seemed to care. Things reached their breaking point in DC Vs. Mortal Kombat, a T-rated abomination that, even if it was a decent fighting game, completely missed the point of the series. NetherRealm Studios/WB Games Chicago/Midway Games had two choices: drop the series or reboot it. Mortal Kombat (no number, no subtitle) is a reboot of the series, and unlike so many other franchise reboots it actually does the job well.

Yes, gamers. The new Mortal Kombat is actually really good.

Sonic the Hedgehog is back! Again! Man, Sega’s mascot has come back from the dead in new incarnations more times than the Doctor. Sadly, those incarnations were all played by Sylvester McCoy or Paul McGann. First Sonic 2006 would bring us back from the wreck of Sonic Adventure 2. Failed miserably. Then Sonic and the Secret Rings/Sonic and the Black Knight. Mediocre to awful. Then Sonic Unleashed. Idiotic gimmick. Then Sonic Colors. Swing and a miss.Then Sonic the Hedgehog 4. Decentish remake, but too short to take seriously.

But hey, Sonic’s hitting the big 20 this year, and Sega’s trying to rekindle the hedgehog’s fire once again with… an unnamed Sonic game of which there are no details. Sega just released a teaser trailer on Sonic’s Facebook page showing the blue speedster running through a Green/Emerald/Verdant/Angel/Turquoise Hills Zone before meeting… himself. Specifically, his 16-bit incarnation, before he got taller and his eyes got green. Then they both speed off into the foreground with only a strange Sonic game logo appearing on the screen. Way to be vague, Sega.

Maybe this time is the charm and Sonic can get back on top. Maybe I’ll be able to get “Psych!” to become popular as a catchphrase again. The odds are about even.

I’d love to have received an advance copy of Dragon Age 2 and finished it by now so I could discuss it in full today, but since I put my pants on one leg at a time and pick up games at midnight on launch day like everyone else, I’ll have to limit my scope to the opening hours of the game. Keep an eye out for a full review as I get through it!