Trolling With Football: Tebow Gets Tebowed
I'm willing to bet a significant portion of you are familiar with “Tebowing” despite having no idea who Tim Tebow is. For those who don't know or care much about the NFL, I'll try to briefly sum up. Tebow is the quarterback for the Denver Broncos, and he thinks Jesus is just the best. Despite his wonky throwing motion, he was a standout star in college. However, many doubted that his talents would translate well to the pro game, where defenses are faster and tougher to fake out.
And the TV Show of the Year is…
It's easy to take for granted how spoiled we are with TV right now. Sure, there's a blizzard of bullshit that makes you embarrassed for our civilization. But think of all the superlative shows to ascend in the last several years. Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Justified, Friday Night Lights, The Walking Dead and those are just dramas. The comedy landscape has been blessed with Parks and Recreation, Louie, Archer, Modern Family, Community and the continued success of the likes of 30 Rock, Futurama, and Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Anatomy of the Rage Quit
Well said, Sony Vice President of _______ Kevin Butler. In the midst of a brutal ass-whoopin', Killzone 3 gamer Legit_Bitness there demonstrated brutally incompetent mega-fail, but soldiered on with the grit of a gravel-eating shit miner. There may have been rage, but certainly no quit. I think we can all take this lesson to heart. What if the St. Louis Cardinals had rage quit when getting blown out? Or Rocky? Or the American revolution?
So with Battlefield 3 and Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 promising to drastically spike the rates of thrown controllers, gnashed teeth, and incredulous shrieks of "I SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD!!!" in the waning months of 2011, I thought we'd pay some tribute to the various species in the Rage Quitter genus.
Why LEGO Universe Failed
Last week, Eurogamer broke the news that LEGO-based MMO LEGO Universe would be shutting down on January 31st, 2012, only 15 months after servers first went live. According to LEGO group executive Jesper Vilstrup, the game was well received and had over 2 million active accounts, but "unfortunately, we have not been able to build a satisfactory revenue model in our target group."
LEGO Universe strikes me as one of those games that should have worked really well. Most kids in this country played with LEGOs, or at least knew what they are, and they remain some of the most open-ended imagination fodder around. I used to stage battles between a pirate ship and a royal frigate before I discovered I could disassemble them and create a freakin' bomb-ass Super Mega Ship. This play concept should have benefited immensely from translation into digital form. Sure, the LEGO Star Wars, Batman, Harry Potter, and Indiana Jones games are popular, but those only scratch the surface of the infinite scope of endless rebuilding inherent to LEGOs. If Universe was the culmination of those aspirations, it seems like a slam dunk. Why did it fizzle out? It boils down to a few reasons.
Arkham City Delivers the Bat-Goodness
Okay, before you read further, let me just set the mood here. Set it to play and then come back.
If you're now feeling a wave of nostalgia about the Emmy-award winning Batman: The Animated Series, well...good. I bring it up because I'm convinced these Arkham games are for everyone like me who loved those Batman cartoons as kids, and are now adults who can appreciate things like mild profanity, suggestive themes, blood, and on-screen murders. I'm also convinced that Arkham Asylum, as glorious as it is, was just a lead-up, a test run, a proof-of-concept for the Batman game that Rocksteady really wanted to make. Arkham City is that game, folks. Maybe it's me. Maybe it's just because of how much I love the character and his world (especially the darker, grittier, more psychological incarnations). But I don't think I'm being at all hyperbolic when I say this game will make you feel more like the Dark Knight/Caped Crusader/World's Greatest Detective/The Goddamn Batman than anything that has come before.
Apply to Voice Act in Fan-made My Little Pony Fighter
The existence of a My Little Pony fighting game is headline enough, but this gets better. Using the 2D Fighter Maker development engine, Indie developer Mane6 (via Joystiq) has turned his talents toward creating an (unofficial) My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fighting game, titled MLP: Fighting is Magic. I'm pretty certain this was a logical conclusion for anyone who's seen this show, with it's subtle and unexpected irony and wit. Somehow throwing the MLP characters into sparkly, glittery violence seems appropriate.
If you're truly a dedicated fan looking to make your mark on this thing, or you just think it would be a blast to do some voice acting, then check this out: Mane6 is looking for voice actors. Right now, announcer Mayor Mare is the only role up for casting, but the game is early in development and other options might pop up down the road. Sadly for all the bronies (a term I just learned now), male voices are pretty few in this universe. Maybe Big McIntosh or Chief Thunderhooves will make an appearance later. If so, better get in there before Will does.
Diablo III Will Supports Console-Style Controllers…After Release
Spiteful dickwad that I am, I kind of hope this news bunches the collective panties of the sort of PC gamers who regard consoles with haughty condescension. In an interview with PC Gamer (via The Escapist), Diablo 3 game director Jay Wilson spoke highly of the idea: "With some of our early experiments in putting a direct control scheme into the game via a 360-like analogue controller, I’ve been 'Oh this feels even better, with direct control…'" He went on to mention "if we decide to do a console version," further hinting at Blizzard toying with the idea of taking Diablo 3 into the console market. However, he doubts that such plans would be ready to go by the time the game launches on PC, the date of which has yet to be announced.
The PC faithful need not worry that their mice and keyboards will be left behind, and would do well to remember that the first Diablo game was actually ported to the PlayStation, back in the days before analog sticks were standard on console controllers. Anyone else think a gamepad option for a game like this is a sweet idea? I tend to find the more action-intensive the game, the more I like the "feel" of the controller. Shooter enthusiasts point out that you can be more precise with a mouse and keyboard, but there's something more visceral about the feel of the controller in your hand with an actual trigger you can pull (at least on the 360) that a little *click* of a finger on a mouse just can't replicate. And I could see analog sticks being vastly superior to the mouse and keyboard for navigating in an isometric perspective like Diablo has. Perhaps menu navigation would be less nimble, but I would consider that an acceptable trade-off.
Theatrhythm Final Fantasy is a Giant Interactive Cutscene
I'll admit I had completely missed any mention of this new Final Fantasy title before andriasang posted this trailer, and I'm a little bummed it's not a new RPG for the 3DS. Now the invented word "theatrhythm" makes a bit more sense. The game is a rhythm/music game with scrolling dots similar to Guitar Hero/Rock Band, except it throws a track list culled from Final Fantasy's long, long history at you.
I gotta tell ya, I'm not all that excited about a stylus-tapping game set to the ballroom scene from Final Fantasy VIII and a bunch of other cinematic and gameplay video from the series. I will concede one point, though: I got a little stoked when the boss fight music from Final Fantasy VI kicked in, and the rhythm tapping accompanied a graphically revamped battle with Ultros. That was a track that just always sounded like Go Time to me.
I Know Football, I Suck at Madden
This is not a review of Madden 12, you can find a much better job at that just about everywhere else on the internet. I’ve barely ever even touched a Madden game, and a yearly franchise like this one tends to demand a more experienced critical eye. No, my job here is to relate what it’s been like to be a complete newb at one of the highest-selling video game franchises of all time.
Here’s the twist: I played football in college (I was a tight end), and remain an avid fan. I’m not an encyclopedic geek about it, but my Football I.Q. is probably slightly above that of the average American. I would also consider myself a fairly well-rounded video game veteran, but the last football video game I played a lot was NFL Blitz and before that, Tecmo Super Bowl. So how have I fared in Madden? I’m here to tell you that it’s the most difficult new game that I’ve ever tried to learn. And being well experienced in football means I could tell exactly how bad I was sucking. Hit the jump to read how badly, accompanied by pictures of football failure.
Capcom Kicks Off Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City AR Game
If you're a Resident Evil enthusiast who's stoked about Operation Raccoon City and looking to kill some time, then Capcom's serving you up some interactive teasing in the form of an AR game (brought to my attention by Eurogamer). Click around for a few seconds on Umbrella Sciences recruitment site, and you'll find all is not as it seems at first glance. But then again, to any Resident Evil fans, it's no surprise to discover a seemingly typical pharma giant has its tentacles in all kinds of conspiracies, shady dealings, and mad science.
Anyway, you'll soon be funneled to the website run by an anti-Umbrella activist group, from where you'll be tasked with an internet scavenger hunt for clues that result in codes, which you take back to the heroic...uh...hackers? As the good citizens of the internet uncover clues, tidbits and info about Operation Raccoon City will become viewable. There are also vague promises of future prizes for diligent detective work. So stop pretending you're actually getting work done at the office right now, and get started on something that's important. The Internet needs these game details, damnit.
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