I don’t care what anyone says, Japanese candy is still great. We all went through that nerd otaku phase where we became obsessed with Pocky as a delicacy, but there’s much more than that. We’re talking sweet red bean things and bizarre puddings and confections of various weird flavors. For now, though. let’s wade into the shallow end of the Japanese candy pool with some of the more conventional but tasty foodstuffs you can pick up. As a bonus, there will be no Pocky anywhere. Because if you can get it at 7-11, it doesn’t count.

Speaking of 7-11, I want everyone to pour out a can of Kirin Ichiban in memory of JAS Mart on St. Mark’s Place. It was my long-standing place for Japanese food, but it recently shut down and will be replaced by a 7-11. Fortunately, the timeless standby that is Sunrise Market is still around, which is where these treats came from. 

Super Mario Bros. Chocolate Egg

Have you ever heard of a Kinder Egg? It’s a European candy that’s basically a chocolate egg with a toy inside. Think Cadbury, only instead of that awesome cream you get a plastic monkey. Furuta has its own version, and it has Mario toys inside.

The chocolate egg has a white substance on the inside, and I’m not sure whether it’s vanilla, a coating to not stick to the plastic capsule, or I’ve just been consistently getting nasty eggs and not noticing the taste. The chocolate is mediocre, as all chocolates with toys inside tend to be. The Mario figure inside, though, is awesome.

I haven’t gotten a Mario in an egg yet, but between three I’ve gotten Iggy Koopa, Wendy O. Koopa, and the penguin suit in a brick block from New Super Mario Bros. Wii. The Koopalings are awesome because 1: they each come with a magic wand from Mario 3 and 2: they aren’t Bowser Jr. Because fuck Bowser Jr. Also, fun fact: the Koopalings are named after Larry King, Iggy Pop, Morton Downey Jr., Wendy O. Williams of the Plasmatics, Roy Orbison, Lemmy Kilmister, and Ludwig van Beethoven. Ludwig has Beethoven hair, Roy has sunglasses, and Iggy and Lemmy have crazy eyes.

Cola Gummis

“Cola” is a common flavor in Japanese hard candies, sour candies, and gummis. It goes hand-in-hand with sour flavors, so most cola candies I’ve found have been encrusted in that weird sour sugar stuff. These gummis are exactly that kind of cola flavor.

The gummis kind of suck. Not “acquired taste.” Not “strange flavor but I can see how other cultures like it.” Not “maybe they were imported and stale.” Not even “completely suck.” They just kind of suck. They’re slightly tart, but not quite as much as sour patch kids or glo-worms. Once you bite through them, they get a little bit sweet and the flavor gets through. The flavor isn’t quite cola, though. It has some cola overtones, but the sour coating makes it more citrusy than anything.

Mystery Balls

I’m usually good at figuring out Japanese candy, but these threw me off. I had no idea what to expect from the wrapper. Maybe weird lemon-melon sour hard candies? It’s a mystery.

And it’s still a mystery even after I open the packet. Mentos? They’re too soft to be hard candy, and they’re blue. And there’s just three pieces in a packet. It turns out it’s a slightly sour citrus gum, and the mysterious yellow filling on the wrapper is clear, sort of lemon-flavored that adds the sour taste to the strange blue gum shell. It’s not a great candy, but I’m still disappointed that there are only three pieces, because it’s not a freaking fun-size candy. It’s an actual package of gum, with just three pieces in it.

Chocolate Tree Trunks

A straightforward cookie plus chocolate combination. Small cylinders of a biscuity material are surrounded by splotches of chocolate to make them look like tree trunks. Fairly tasty chocolate, plus the awesomely mellow woodcutter on the box is a bonus.

Meiji Caramel Dice

This is just your basic caramel, packed into cardboard dice. Two caramel per dice, five die per sleeve, so you get ten caramels. Not really that interesting or exotic. Either way, at least you can play some White Wolf games with these caramels. So score.

Meiji Lucky Stick

I said no Pocky in this article, and I meant it. This is Lucky Stick, the off-brand Pocky-like biscuit sticks that are bigger, cheaper, and… well, not as good. The varieties I’ve found have been chocolate, strawberry, and cappuccino. The chocolate flavor has chocolate biscuit sticks, so there’s an extra kick of cocoa in there if you think the Pocky cookies are too bland. Well, not so much a kick as a gentle brush with a toe, but it’s more chocolate. Lucky Sticks are thicker than Pocky but have about as much coating, explaining how they might be a bit cheaper. For a buck a box, it’s a good alternative to the otaku cliche if you need to get your candy coated biscuit sticks on.

I’ve only seen these three flavors, though, so the selection is dwarfed by the over two dozen versions of Pocky I’ve seen. Also, to be brutally honest, the chocolate is simply better on the Pocky, especially the Men’s and Dessert flavors. It’s not a weird Pocky fanboy thing; Men’s Pocky is a dark chocolate and Dessert pocky have thicker layers of coating, which makes them both tastier. We’ll get to those in the future.

Pucca Pretzel Fish

These kick the crap out of Goldfish, because Goldfish don’t have chocolate or strawberry cream inside. They also come in biscuit versions. Not really weird, but tasty (and for some reason even cheaper than Meiji Lucky Sticks).

Ramune Candy

Ramune is a Japanese soda brand that comes in a glass bottle with a glass marble as a stopper. You use a little plastic hammer to push the bottle down into a vessel above the main bottle, giving the soda room to come out. The word is a Japanified version of “lemonade,” and is a lot like Sprite or British “clear” lemonade. This candy is kind of like a Sprite-flavored Altoid, in a bottle-shaped container. Boring, chalky, but sweet enough to not quite be in the candy hearts world of “why do we have this? It’s just a piece of flavored sugar chunkiness.” Well, that’s not fair. Candy hearts are in no way flavored with anything.