At first, the PSN network crash was an inconvenience. Then it was a frustration. Then it was simply ridiculous. Now it’s reached a mythical status. Most network shutdowns are resolved after a day. The PSN shutdown has lasted for 8 days. This is the Hannukah of hacking, a dropped service miracle that, like the oil in the story kept the Jews in light, has kept PS3 gamers in the dark for over a week. Instead of going blow-by-blow, here’s a summary of what we know about the hack/crash (or, at least, what Sony is willing to admit):

  • This was definitely a hack. Hackers targeted PSN and took it down. The ill-timed breakdown of many of Amazon’s servers have nothing to do with this particular network crash.
  • Someone did take personal information from the PSN database. The extent of which has not been announced, but there is definitely a security compromise involving PSN, and you should change your PSN password, along with any passwords matching your PSN password, immediately.
  • You cannot change your PSN password immediately. Funny thing, that. When PSN is finally restored, a system update will prompt all users to change their passwords at that time.
  • Sony has not said when PSN will be restored. Okay, the last of this joke-chain. There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Sony, dear Sony.
  • It doesn’t look like any credit card information was stolen. that data is encrypted, so at least that seems to be safe. Unless password fatigue has let whoever stole the other personal information access your accounts on other systems using the same password. Unlikely, but possible.
  • The actual network shutdown was a decision on Sony’s part after the intrusion was detected on April 19.
  • Sony’s Qriocity service is down, too.
  • 99% of affect users neither know nor care what Qriocity is.
  • I bought Mortal Kombat last week, and I still can’t download Sub-Zero’s classic costume and fatality.
  • PSN went down slightly after I linked my Steam account to my PSN account, allowing me to play Portal 2. You can tell this, because Sony isn’t currently on fire.

So there it is. We still have no idea when PSN will be back up. If you’re really jonesing for some multiplayer gaming, load up Steam and drop $10 on Team Fortress 2. That’ll fix you up until Sony gets its act together. Plus, you can get dominated by the demoman and sniper skills of myself, AggroWill on Steam.