Aye, I’ve seen the monster. Plenty of other sailors’ll tell you it’s just a myth, or a trick of the sea, but I saw it with me own eyes, so I did! Even got me hands on it for a few minutes, before it got away from me. Oh, yes. Duke Nukem Forever’s real.

I met with Gearbox on Wednesday for a demo of Duke Nukem Forever. Not only is the game real, but it’s near completion. The version I saw was far more developed, polished, and ready for release than any previous preview of the game 3D Realms bothered to put out. In fact, this preview could be considered filled with spoilers, considering it seems like the game is actually coming out.

I was taken through three levels of the game, and it was quite an interesting ride. It opened with a recreation of the big fight in the football stadium at the end of Duke Nukem 3D. Of course, this was using the current engine, so it was much more impressive. After the boss was dead, it was 12 years later and we got to see what happened to Duke since then. He didn’t fizzle out like some others; he turned his saving-the-world cred into a massive success story full of money, fame, and women. Two of said women were “appreciating” Duke as he watched highlights of his world-saving exploits, before they got up and left.

Some peaceful meandering (including various other women throwing themselves at Duke, fanboys gushing, and various immature quotes and actions from playing with different bits of the scenery, shit duly hit the fan. The aliens came back, they want our women, Duke has to save the world again, blah blah blah. It was a pretty bland intro section except for two experiences: the Duke Museum and the Duke Cave. Let’s just say that Duke has been busy in the last 12 years. Oh, Duke also picked up a piece of crap and threw it at a wall, and picked up a rat and put it in the microwave. Wasn’t a big fan of that second thing; I had pet rats, and they’re great.

After that, Duke was shrunk by some weird alien radiation and had to drive through a casino in a toy car. It sounds weird, but it was a pretty fun segment, with plenty of ramps to jump and quips for Duke to make. Not a whole lot to talk about.

When the action began, on the streets (sidewalks? drives? sculpted courtyards?) of Las Vegas, everything seemed simple and satisfying. It’s old-school run-and-gun shooting, with no cover mechanics or hard strategy. Piglike aliens run at you, you kill them any way you can. Shoot them, punch them, blow them up, do whatever works. The demo culminated in a face-off against a massive beast, about the size of the boss from the beginning of the game/end of Duke Nukem 3D. Rockets worked well, but it was pretty hard to avoid his spray of plasma blasts. Strafe, fire, boom, dead.

Duke Nukem Forever played very well. The mechanics seemed solid and the graphics were generally gorgeous. However, I’m not sure how well the old Duke Nukem humor will be received. It felt stale, as if everyone who loved the games in the 90′s aged a decade since. With Gearbox at the helm, it looks like Duke Nukem Forever will be a solid, entertaining game, but will we appreciate it like we did back in the days of the Build Engine? I guess we’ll find out in May. It’s good to see this game finally coming to fruition, though, whether we’re getting too old for it or not.