I like cartoons. I’m not too ashamed to admit it. And today I realized that, for some reason beyond my ability to comprehend, cartoon studios and networks want me to like their cartoons. I’m not talking about Adult Swim or prime time fare, I’m talking about the everyday “it’s for the kids!” crap you see on Cartoon Network, Nicktoons, Disney XD, and The Hub. The cartoons these networks run every day, during the daytime, targeting kids, are… kind of wrecked. And even the ones that aren’t outright wrecked are getting strange audiences.

Cartoon Network has been showing some pretty weird cartoons for some time now, but this recent crop of shows really takes the cake. I’m not talking about Mad, of course, which is just a lazy, pitiful attempt to mix Robot Chicken with TMZ. I’m talking about Adventure Time and Regular Show. Each episode of these shows could be seen as 11 minutes of pure madness that straddles the line of what is acceptable for children and basically defines “getting crap past the radar.”

Adventure Time is the closest thing we’ll get to a Korgoth of Barbaria cartoon. It’s not nearly as bloody as the oft-lamented pilot Adult Swim threw out so many years ago, but it’s every bit as insane and adventure-y. It’s the story of a boy and his dog and the adventures they share. Of course, the world in which they live is a surreal landscape of walking, talking food and electronics, fantasy deathtrap settings, and sheer lumpy madness. Also, the boy doesn’t have any parents and the dog can magically stretch and morph like he’s Plastic Man.

This… isn’t why Adventure Time is so unsettling. Instead, there are so many sudden and dark moments that defy logic and go way beyond the usual fare of general-interest cartoons. A bunch of smiling, talking balloons cheer as they fly into the sky, saying “Yay! Now we can die!” A kindly old elephant explodes after eating a crystal apple. The boy and his dog casually talk about eating the various sentient pastries they party with. Evil gnomes explode (allegedly illusory) old ladies. It’s not just weird, it’s dark.

Then there’s Regular Show, which manages to subtly be even more horrifying and insane than Adventure Time. A bluejay and a raccoon work for a gumball machine at a park, where they interact with a yeti (voiced by Mark Hamill), a giant lollipop that sounds like the King of Town’s gay cousin, and various other characters.

Talking hot dogs try to eat humans, then eat each other. The raccoon gets thrown off of a microwave into a time warp and turns into dust. Space babies age the yeti to a skeleton. A drunken clown and his drunken horse get disintegrated by a giant 8-bit demon face. Also, their talking gumball machine boss totally says the word “Crap.” On top of that, the humor is so dry and offbeat, it simply doesn’t feel like a kids’ cartoon.

This isn’t just a Cartoon Network thing, though. Hasbro’s new Hub network has some very strange programming choices. Dan Vs. is a cartoon about a 20-something malcontent that thinks everything in the world is out to get him. There aren’t any kids or talking animals to relate with, just a sociopath voiced by Curtis Armstrong (the typecast outcast-nerd actor who plays Booger in Revenge of the Nerds) and his best friend voiced by Dave Foley (best known for Kids in the Hall, and for showing his weener in Uwe Boll’s Postal movie. I’m still not sure if I’ve forgiven him for the latter). The actual execution is somewhere between a solid kids’/teens’ cartoon and a prime time cartoon series. The main issue is the premise, which is just… very unexpected, and on paper seems darker and more mature than you’d think.

Then there’s the truly inexplicable phenomenon of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. This cartoon, a modern reboot of the My Little Pony cartoons of the 80s, is a straight-laced, cutesy cartoon targeted towards little girls. It’s also immensely popular on 4chan. In fact, the overall demographics of the show skew bizarrely older and more male than anyone could have expected, and the cartoon’s creator, Lauren Faust, has recognized the attention the Internet has garnered for it outside of its targeted age and gender groups. Incidentally, said creator did a lot of Powerpuff Girls and Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends episodes, and is actually the wife of Cartoon Network’s original series wunderkind Craig McCracken.

I’ve seen an episode of it, and god help me, it’s actually a very well-made cartoon. Excellent production quality for a Flash-based series, great voice acting, and even surprisingly good writing. And it’s My Little Pony. I’m deeply disturbed by this. Just as I’m disturbed by the possibilities of how a race of talking horses with no opposable thumbs can live in a medieval village of clearly designed and constructed buildings. I suspect dark things happening on Equestria.

There are plenty of other cartoons that have gotten some attention from grown-ups. Cartoon Network’s last generation of original cartoons included offering from the witty and accessible (Chowder) to the horrifying (Flapjack). Even Nicktoons has reacted to post-adolescent interest, bringing back Ren and Stimpy and Invader Zim due to popular demand, years after they went off the air.

This is a weird age for cartoons. Networks dedicated entirely to cartoons and childrens’ programming are putting out some surprising stuff, and seeing attention from unlikely places. This isn’t Adult Swim or prime-time programming, but everyday cartoon that feature eldrich abominations or sociopathic 20-somethings. I mean, My Little Pony is entertaining for all ages and sexes. That’s just messed up.

And anyone who demands that I turn in my man card must first watch an episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Then see if you still want my man card, or if you’ll be tossing yours in the trash, too.