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From the Dumb: Wii gaming gloves

The Wii has seen some pointless accessories before, but the Gear Monkey Universal Gaming Gloves really take the cake. It's not too hard to figure out what they're for: they're gloves purportedly designed for gaming on the Wii. The big question is why they exist. The big answer is... I have no idea.

I understand the endless parade of ridiculous Wiimote attachments. If you want to play Wii Sports or the many sword and lightsaber combat games that managed to never actually come out on the system, you might want to stick a big plastic thing on the end of your controller so it looks like you're swinging your implement of choice. It's stupid, but at least it has some sort of purpose.

These gloves have no purpose. They're just gloves, and not very good gloves at that. The back sides of the gloves are spandex and the front sides are a thin leather-like material, all colored a flat and boring gray. A small velcro strap on the back emblazoned with the Gear Monkey logo (it's a monkey in a gear! Get it?) help keep the gloves in place once you pull them on.

While they're purportedly one-size-fits-all, they're just a bit too small for my big mitts. I could pull them over my hands, but only after much protestation and a bit of seam-ripping from the gloves' spandex. The material on the palms are too thick to be comfortable while gaming, and too thin to be useful for anything else. As for the spandex on the back... well, while black leather with metal spikes over your knuckles can look awesome, grey spandex just looks ridiculous, like you're trying to punch a balloon.

I don't think I've ever seen such a sad and blatant attempt to cash in on Nintendo. "Hey, check out these gloves! They're for playing games on the Wii!" They're not even black, which would at least make them good for a costume.

You can pick these gloves up for $5 (half off from their original $10 price) from Toys R Us. The page includes two reviews, one of which is priceless in its over-the-top enthusiasm. I honestly can't tell if it's a joke or just a shameless marketing bot trying to drum up attention for the gloves:

Amazing, Perfect!
By ... from New York, NY on 11/26/2009
Pros: Easy To Use, Fast Setup, Improved Game Play, Reduced button lag
Cons: You only have two hands
Best Uses: Entertainment, Games, Music, Sound
Describe Yourself: Hardcore Gamer
Bottom Line: Yes, I would recommend this to a friend
This product couldn't have been better, I can't explain how amazing these were. This is perfect for ANY gamer, whether they're looking for a casual experience or a hardcore challenge, like me. You'll see that you HAVE to get this for a friend or loved one, coming from a true gamer, I loved these!

Glad you like 'em, buddy. I hope you got paid for that post.